I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
