Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
