I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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