I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
