Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
