he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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