I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
