I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
