How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize