Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
