arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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