You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
