If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
