btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
