I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
either way he was missing a nipple.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
