I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
