btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
