I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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