i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
