masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
