how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize