they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
