Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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