We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
