woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
