You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
