1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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