I think I died a long time ago.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
