we have pet lesbian snakes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
