We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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