I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
