He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
