Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
