Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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