bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
