YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
