wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
