I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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