I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
