I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
