two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
