yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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