watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize