she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
