he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
