mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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