weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
In America we eat man semen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
