I cockslap morals
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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