do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
