Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize