No awkward lesbian experiences without me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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