matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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