You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We're too hungover to prance.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
