this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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