its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
