Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
