I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize