I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
