i think i have two assholes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This toilet bowl is my home.
do nipples grow back?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
