You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
