If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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