He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
