he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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