BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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