you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
