I love black thongs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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