Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
